Let me keep this memory.

myliefblike asked: hey thanks for the follow- couldnt find out much about who you are through this but your writing i like awesome. kept me hooked for a good hour hahaha

Thank you so much! I’m glad people still read this thing :]

I loved you one night, I mean really loved you. In the hours amongst candle light that we became one body. I felt the pain in your shaking thighs, felt the tears behind your eyelids that you lied about. And I know it didn’t work out the way it could have, but I never got the chance to tell you how beautiful you are. 

I wanna talk about back when you were thirteen. With clean lungs and untouched blood vessels, before you wrapped that rubber band around your arm and shot warm death silently into your sad, aching veins, and the dreams your parents had for your bright future, and the hearts of the people who loved you. Before your tongue had tasted the crevices of prescription pill bottles, and powdered cd covers. Before you broke your mother’s heart without knowing what it was to love her, before the junkie lovers, I wanna talk about that. Back before this town devoured your innocence for ten dollars on a Friday night. Before your poetry became so fucking artificial, back when you wrote about real sadness not the self-inflicted issues. Back when your words were beautiful.  Back when we met in smoked out basements filled with familiar guilty faces and the trace of future mistakes so thick in the air you could taste it. And you said to me, “I don’t believe in synthetic escapes,” and I wasn’t prepared for the other lies you would lie at my doorstep, unaware that I would stand by helplessly watching you kill yourself for years. I can’t let you become another statistic of the kids who couldn’t kick this dirty habit and finally found silence six feet beneath their weeping mothers in caskets too big for their worn, tired souls. I wanna talk about how saving you doesn’t seem to be an option but neither is leaving you to rot in this filthy addiction, neither is loving you so close I can taste death on the head of that needle that you need more than me, neither is praying because apparently God has no sympathy for junkies , neither is burying another friend before she learns that happiness is deeper than the veins she’s been penetrating with self-hatred.  I wanna talk about how you are the reason God and I are on a first name basis, because I never spoke to him like this before I met you. The reason I knock twice on bathroom doors at parties, the reason I’m an expert on lies because I’ve seen them in all forms written in the scars on your body, the reason I don’t trust women. Or addicts. I wanna talk about how selfish your sunken eyes have become since you lost yourself in the fire of the dragons you’re chasing. I wanna talk about the precious moments of life you’re wasting, and the strength that’s hiding in the hollows of your fragile bones that can still save you.

Struggling to paint each pore
on the black speckled canvas
behind my eyelids.

Pining over whether your iris fades 
from blue to green
or vise versa.

Each laugh line, each dimple
the stubbles on your chin
Suddenly too complex to recreate.

Every time I find the perfect paleness
of your skin, the perfect placement
of each eyelash 
you are gone.

Strands of hair falling out one by one.

Exhausting my cerebrum
to find the sweater you wore
the last time I saw you
the way the coffee on your breath
filled my nostrils as you exhaled
the last words I’ve heard you say in years.

Digging
through conscience memory slipping
through forgotten fingertips
the way the veins in your arms
danced beneath the skin
stretched around your fragile muscles.

A skewed image of misplaced perfection
Aging, crumbling, fading
to an empty, black speckled canvas. 

I don’t know if being happy with one person forever is realistic. 

barbieandken:

I once knew a girl in the years of my youth with eyes like the summer, all beauty and truth. In the morning I fled, left a note and it read, “someday you will be loved.”

retrospecti0n asked: Good morning.

Good morning :]